Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Time Will March On, Babies Will Grow Up, and That's Okay.

I seem to know a lot of new parents these days. It is strange for me as my children are both in school now, and even though these new parents are my peers, I feel somewhat like an old lady. Which of course leaves me wanting to hand out advice to all these new parents when they start to stress about this and that. I try to keep my mouth shut though. No one really wants un-asked-for parenting advice, and I respect that. I never listened to it when I was a new parent and I don't expect anyone to listen to it from me. But I do realize that I have a unique perspective on parenting sometimes, and I feel that it's worth sharing anyway.

It seems that the "correct way" to feel as a parent is as though we want our children to be dependent little babies for eternity. We stress ourselves out when it's time to bring them to day care. We fall to pieces when they get on the school bus. And our kids, no matter how young, pick up on this. What do they think? Do they end up feeling guilty for growing up? Why do we want our children to be dependent little babies their whole lives? And I must ask my self from time to time, am I a bad parent because I don't feel that way?

Maybe I am just not a "baby person". Maybe it's like being a "dog person". You either are or you aren't. But I never got all crazy about daycare, or all weepy about the first day of school.  I don't want my kids to stay babies and I don't spend a minute wishing they they would not grow up. I look forward to them growing up. Instead of hanging on to passing time in vain, because time is going to pass whether you like it or not, I enjoy each stage of my children's lives for what it is. My kids aren't babies anymore, and I am fine with that. My son is 11. I get to watch him start to discover his identity separate from me. That doesn't scare me. I know I've been a good and attentive parent. I have confidence that he will find his way and the less I impede him from that the better off he will be. I get to watch him figure out friendship, and relationships with girls, and what kind of person he wants to be in life.

My daughter is 5. I get to watch her develop her personality in a different stage. I get to watch her figure out what is socially acceptable and what is not (with my guidance, of course). I get to watch her try on different attitudes and figure out what works for her. I get to watch her take her very first steps of independence.

With both of my kids, I didn't cry on the first day of school. I didn't look at it as my children stepping away from me. They will always be with me in some capacity. I looked at it as them taking their first steps into the big wide world outside of the home, and I am excited for them.  I don't look to the past and wish to go back in time. I look forward to the future. I look forward to my son's first school dance, or helping him through his first heartbreak. I look forward to seeing my daughter's intellect develop as she gets farther into school. I look forward to being a constant and positive presence in their lives through all their developmental stages.

And I might sound like a bad parent now, but I enjoy not having dependent little babies. I enjoy that I don't constantly have a newborn laying on my chest, or a baby constantly on my hip, or a toddler constantly underfoot. I like that I can take some time for myself and not have to feel guilty over it. I like watching my children's independence blossom. I like that my son can help with the dishes and the laundry. I will like it when my daughter is big enough to reach the cabinet and get herself something to eat. Ok, maybe I really am not a "baby person".

But the point is, don't get so caught up in wishing time would stop and leave your cute little infants that way forever. Because for one thing, it's never going to happen. For another, when we spend our time in the past, we don't see the present for what it is and we don't look to the future for the good things time will bring. Get too caught up in wanting your babies to stay babies forever, and your children end up finding their identities and reaching amazing milestones right under your nose and you will miss it. And just like you can't get those "baby days" back, you won't be able to get those days back either.

No comments:

Post a Comment